Married But Single

The Anthem of Military Wives everywhere!

As a military wife you are in a unique position: married and single! Where is that option on facebook?! I know you know what I am talking about. You are married; heck you even have a military ID that says dependent….Spouse! You have family pictures, clothes in a closet, and golf clubs in the trunk. I have proof! Yet 6 months, maybe a year, or even for some 18 months at a time you feel a bit single. You and you alone keep things going and running smoothly… Well I don’t. I am a hot mess at times, but I hear others do have the whole running smoothly thing down pat and I long to be just like them someday!  Now I will say it is to be expected that the big holidays are going to be tough. You already gear for it. You can handle anything because of course… you are a military wife! You have mastered the smile that says, “I’ve got this. Everything is fine.” You flash it to everyone; to your kids, family, friends, neighbors and even a checker at the store. You just deal with it and soldier {or sailor} on as they say! Why does it even matter when your cutie is in a pirate costume with an eye patch, or a sweet little princess saying, “Twick or tweet” that your hubby is missing it? You will take a million pictures anyway and it will be okay. Why does it matter that on Thanksgiving he is not there? So what that you still made a 25 pound turkey and all the dark meat is left because he usually eats it. And what does it matter that you wrap all the Christmas gifts alone and try to put a bike together at midnight and set them under the tree wishing he was right there to kiss you under the mistletoe. What does it matter bringing in a New Year alone clicking your glass in the air instead of with his? I mean no big deal that the kids are in bed and your only companion to kiss at midnight is your dog! I love my dog! Plus, just think another year down and another year closer to retirement! What other occasions are there that doesn’t matter?......Who can forget Valentine’s Day when it is marked with flowers sent by a delivery guy and not your guy with a note typed out and not a handwritten note of expressed love and wishes of being together. And who could forget Anniversaries, baby’s first words, rolling over and steps, the first day of school, first soccer game or awards at school. Or a teenager’s first date, first crush or even a first break-up. Their first driving lesson, first life lesson and even Graduation as they look out into a crowd and flash a smile that looks all too familiar. That is big stuff, and it is tough for sure.

We have missed many of these special moments and I wonder how many will fall during a deployment in the future. What is funny….I can almost handle those big things, I am ready for it. I brace myself and I get the camera ready. For me it is the little things that really seem to take their toll. Inside jokes, laughing at the same thing, a look that says I know you know I know! Just knowing he is there for back up with the kids! Someone to vent to because he gets you and he still loves you even if you sound a bit crazy! Seeing your kids do something wonderful and not having him across the room to share a proud smile with in that moment, you smile but all you think is, “He missed it.” Then your heart sinks for him, your kiddo and you. Time is quite precious. Things like watching a movie and as a romantic scene comes on he isn’t there to hold your hand and wink or even wipe away your tears that are streaming down your face. There is a lot of alone time when he is gone and quite frankly………it SUCKS! Crawling into bed with more room than you would like feels so lonely. There are no blankets to fight for and no snoring to keep you awake. Man alive I never thought I would miss snoring but if you hear snoring he is there and so I miss it! Of course about a month after he is home and I can’t sleep I have to smack him in the middle of the night to get him to stop. I may eat those words! I find these moments are the hardest. At first, when he leaves I find myself looking at the clock knowing when would normally be on his way home. After a month or so I look at the time and know a long evening is ahead. During the day he is normally gone. I am used to dealing with the kids, the errands, the house, the bustle of the day. But as dinnertime rolls around and then into the wee small hours of the morning, that’s the time you miss him most of all {thanks for the song Ms. Carly Simon}. Each day has its own difficulties and trials. You deal with your emotions which often take a back seat because you’re dealing with the kids emotions with all this. There is not a lot worse than a tear stained face looking up at you as they miss their daddy. Eventually the days do pass and the countdown begins. You have stacks of love letters, well folders of emails J that create a timeline of events while he was away. If you are lucky you have phone calls and really lucky maybe even Skype calls….Wow! I think of the 40’s where they only had a telegram and old fashion “snail mail” to rely on to keep up your their affair. Each day brings you closer and you are wistfully dreaming of the day he gets off that boat or plane! You spot him and your heart beats faster so much you think others can surely hear it. He gets closer and closer as you hold your welcome home signs higher and before you know it he is in your arms. It is so exciting because it has been so long but yet it is nearly new! But then you start to melt in a bit and it is this warm familiar safe embrace that you will never forget and it feels like home. He IS home.  

You both are smiling and can’t stop. You keep looking over at each other almost scared to look away in case it is just a dream. You reach over and touch his arm…….nope he is real! You head home!

OH WAIT….. HOME! On no! The house did not get as organized as hoped, the grass has crazy lines in it and is totally uneven, the car has only been washed twice while he was gone…shhh… hope he doesn’t notice. There has been a frisbee stuck on the roof since about a week after he left because no one is tall enough or brave enough to get on the roof to fish it down. The kids broke a few *ehem*cough*a lot*cough* of things that need to be fixed. Seriously the honey do list is long! And to be honest with you, you probably didn’t lose the weight you had hoped or maybe that is just me! Hopefully he will be so happy to be home he won’t notice! There is so much to do! Boy if I only had another week or two to get ready…..just kidding!

So here is to all those tired wives waiting for their back up, their inside jokester, their lawn care specialist, car mechanic, and pest removal..ist ;) best friend who takes their breath away one day and then drives them crazy the next….You married but single ladies doing it all alone who I admire and adore…THANK YOU! Thank you for all you do! Taking care of the home front, allowing your husband to focus on defending our country, fight for our freedom and even the freedom of others. Our husbands are heroes…… but you are also mine!  


xoxoxoxo

Here are few pictures of my first day of being single but married......but soon.....back to married! ;)