Grace in the Rain

         My family watched this new family moving in across the street. We wondered what their story was and who they were. The husband asked my husband if he’d help him bring in a couch. We ended up chatting for awhile. Finding out all the details…kids, rate/rank where they were from....all the basics! We’d wave and say hello; chat outside while their daughter Kayla yelled, “What’s dat?? What’s dat??”  Their son Logan would come over to play with Matthew. We were friendly enough that we knew if we needed anything we would help each other out. I love great neighbors! I was thrilled for them when they announced they would soon be adding to their family and so excited when they found out it was triplets! Norman left on deployment which was tough for the whole family. Deployments always are. Kathy’s belly was growing by the minute because those 3 babies needed some stretching room! Soon she was in need of bed rest which was a challenge with two young kids.

        Then things started to seem a bit more serious. What started out as a concerned doctor’s visit turned in to a stay at the hospital. A lot of help was needed. I was truly amazed by the kindness our neighbors all showed her, everyone helping when they could. Then more people started to pitch in. There was the church, the command, friends and family; lots of love, support and prayers from all.  

       My family and I was blessed enough to get the kiddos! And we enjoyed every stinkin’ minute! Logan is a tough kiddo! He takes being the man of the house when dad is gone very seriously! He still took care of his house even though he was staying at ours. He would let me know the trash needed to be taken out, the plants needed to be watered and what Kayla’s likes and dislikes were. He really is a great kid who I sometimes must remind myself he is only 6 years old, because he is so smart! Kayla is full of energy and at the stage where she picks up so many things! Good thing she wasn’t around for too many Denver Bronco games, she might have picked up a bit more then she should have! She is always happy, laughing and giggling like little girls do. She gives the sweetest kisses and LOVES to paint and color. These kids are amazing!

   Thankfully Norman was finally able to get home to be with his family. And things starting moving fast once he did. The babies had to come out which was so hard because so much time was spent trying to keep them in. Even when the doctors thought about sending Kathy home she said NO WAY! She knew what was best for her babies and was fighting for them before they even came out! Her fight was long and hard but those babies seemed to make their way out anyway. Those sweet little angles were so tiny and so fragile…..but yet such fighters! I know without doubt they could feel how much they were loved. And boy where they! You could see how much Wyatt, Ava and Luke were loved by their family. Logan is a pro at being a big brother so he was quite comfortable smiling at them as he set his hand on the glass to say hi. He even got to hold them. Kayla wanted to pick them up right away because clearly these were real baby dolls for her to hold and love. She would kiss them through the glass and couldn’t wait to touch them.

   Norman is a bit quiet at first, but I tell you something, he is loud about how much he LOVES his family! Just by the way he talks about them you can tell. It was a lot for him to deal with knowing his family was struggling and he couldn’t be there right away. He had to just wait and hear. Then he traveled half way around the world to get home to be by his wife and children’s side. Just in the way he talked about the triplets you could tell he was frustrated he couldn’t just fix it.  He expressed concern about Kathy; he wanted to make sure she was taking care of herself because as a mom it is easy to set our needs aside when our kids need us. He would divide his time between the hospital and home. He would get Logan off to school and to Karate and before he dropped off Kayla to me in the morning he even did her hair……well kinda ;) And then off to the hospital to be with the babies and Kathy.
    
   I admire Kathy for having faith and strength when doctors gave advice on how to handle things and what to do. Caring and fighting for Wyatt, Ava and Luke whether they were inside or out. I saw how she stood over their beds and the hope that poured out against the odds. She had a special bond with them, like momsdo because as a mom you get the privilege of carrying them under your heart. She wanted to just take away their pain; kiss it and make it better. I saw her heart ache and it made mine ache for her.

   Most of us have had loss in our lives we all just have different stories on how we got there. And there are going to be days that seem worse than others. I pray that on the road ahead that the good days outweigh the bad ones. That the support and love shown by everyone won’t just stop in a week or month, but for as long as they need it. We are here to listen or to just be there. This is something you just can’t get over or just move on from. You move forward step by step. There really are no profound words that can express the loss of these sweet babies. No words could do justice to the mysteries of God in the midst of this heartache. But know that God can handle the hurt, the pain and the questions you have. He will help you see the joy and the light these babies have had on your life. 

  I was able to meet Wyatt, Ava and Luke and see firsthand how even though their time here was brief on this earth, they were given kisses and held by the hands of people who loved them so much; sooo much they will feel it until they are able to be held again by those hands! I was so humbled to be allowed in, not just into meet these tiny miracles, but to be a part of this journey, this chapter in this family’s life. They are not just my neighbors. I wasn’t only helping out and they weren’t just borrowing a cup of sugar.  They are my dear friends who are going through something that no words or a cup of sugar could fix. I love and care for them deeply and so does my family. And they will have a special place in our hearts forever.

 ****I wrote that a year ago to read at the babies memorial. When I look back at this time it still hurts my heart. It has been a hard year but I can say that this family has moved forward. They can see the light ahead. There are still dark days, but the light is there. They really didn’t get to focus on celebrating the birth of Wyatt, Ava and Luke. It was survival mode to grief mode. But now is the time to celebrate them. Because no matter how briefly they were here on earth, they are still their children. They will see them again and it will just be a longer wait then they would like. I know there is no way to escape the thoughts of, “Why?” and “What if?” There are thoughts of blame, and anger and sadness. I know their heart skips a beat when they see a baby about their age and can’t help but wistfully wanting them by their side. The hurt is deep. It is all a part of the grieving. It is true that those feelings will never go away completely. But if they keep moving forward the pain is easier to deal with and it gets further away even thought their memory doesn’t. The pain fades behind and joy takes the focus. It is the joy of having the chance to fight for them, to hold them, to love them and to kiss them…….and knowing they will see them again. So today we are celebrating that joy. In their honor today we will get together and have a balloon release to send some love up to heaven! Lots of blessings for this family today.   

Married But Single

The Anthem of Military Wives everywhere!

As a military wife you are in a unique position: married and single! Where is that option on facebook?! I know you know what I am talking about. You are married; heck you even have a military ID that says dependent….Spouse! You have family pictures, clothes in a closet, and golf clubs in the trunk. I have proof! Yet 6 months, maybe a year, or even for some 18 months at a time you feel a bit single. You and you alone keep things going and running smoothly… Well I don’t. I am a hot mess at times, but I hear others do have the whole running smoothly thing down pat and I long to be just like them someday!  Now I will say it is to be expected that the big holidays are going to be tough. You already gear for it. You can handle anything because of course… you are a military wife! You have mastered the smile that says, “I’ve got this. Everything is fine.” You flash it to everyone; to your kids, family, friends, neighbors and even a checker at the store. You just deal with it and soldier {or sailor} on as they say! Why does it even matter when your cutie is in a pirate costume with an eye patch, or a sweet little princess saying, “Twick or tweet” that your hubby is missing it? You will take a million pictures anyway and it will be okay. Why does it matter that on Thanksgiving he is not there? So what that you still made a 25 pound turkey and all the dark meat is left because he usually eats it. And what does it matter that you wrap all the Christmas gifts alone and try to put a bike together at midnight and set them under the tree wishing he was right there to kiss you under the mistletoe. What does it matter bringing in a New Year alone clicking your glass in the air instead of with his? I mean no big deal that the kids are in bed and your only companion to kiss at midnight is your dog! I love my dog! Plus, just think another year down and another year closer to retirement! What other occasions are there that doesn’t matter?......Who can forget Valentine’s Day when it is marked with flowers sent by a delivery guy and not your guy with a note typed out and not a handwritten note of expressed love and wishes of being together. And who could forget Anniversaries, baby’s first words, rolling over and steps, the first day of school, first soccer game or awards at school. Or a teenager’s first date, first crush or even a first break-up. Their first driving lesson, first life lesson and even Graduation as they look out into a crowd and flash a smile that looks all too familiar. That is big stuff, and it is tough for sure.

We have missed many of these special moments and I wonder how many will fall during a deployment in the future. What is funny….I can almost handle those big things, I am ready for it. I brace myself and I get the camera ready. For me it is the little things that really seem to take their toll. Inside jokes, laughing at the same thing, a look that says I know you know I know! Just knowing he is there for back up with the kids! Someone to vent to because he gets you and he still loves you even if you sound a bit crazy! Seeing your kids do something wonderful and not having him across the room to share a proud smile with in that moment, you smile but all you think is, “He missed it.” Then your heart sinks for him, your kiddo and you. Time is quite precious. Things like watching a movie and as a romantic scene comes on he isn’t there to hold your hand and wink or even wipe away your tears that are streaming down your face. There is a lot of alone time when he is gone and quite frankly………it SUCKS! Crawling into bed with more room than you would like feels so lonely. There are no blankets to fight for and no snoring to keep you awake. Man alive I never thought I would miss snoring but if you hear snoring he is there and so I miss it! Of course about a month after he is home and I can’t sleep I have to smack him in the middle of the night to get him to stop. I may eat those words! I find these moments are the hardest. At first, when he leaves I find myself looking at the clock knowing when would normally be on his way home. After a month or so I look at the time and know a long evening is ahead. During the day he is normally gone. I am used to dealing with the kids, the errands, the house, the bustle of the day. But as dinnertime rolls around and then into the wee small hours of the morning, that’s the time you miss him most of all {thanks for the song Ms. Carly Simon}. Each day has its own difficulties and trials. You deal with your emotions which often take a back seat because you’re dealing with the kids emotions with all this. There is not a lot worse than a tear stained face looking up at you as they miss their daddy. Eventually the days do pass and the countdown begins. You have stacks of love letters, well folders of emails J that create a timeline of events while he was away. If you are lucky you have phone calls and really lucky maybe even Skype calls….Wow! I think of the 40’s where they only had a telegram and old fashion “snail mail” to rely on to keep up your their affair. Each day brings you closer and you are wistfully dreaming of the day he gets off that boat or plane! You spot him and your heart beats faster so much you think others can surely hear it. He gets closer and closer as you hold your welcome home signs higher and before you know it he is in your arms. It is so exciting because it has been so long but yet it is nearly new! But then you start to melt in a bit and it is this warm familiar safe embrace that you will never forget and it feels like home. He IS home.  

You both are smiling and can’t stop. You keep looking over at each other almost scared to look away in case it is just a dream. You reach over and touch his arm…….nope he is real! You head home!

OH WAIT….. HOME! On no! The house did not get as organized as hoped, the grass has crazy lines in it and is totally uneven, the car has only been washed twice while he was gone…shhh… hope he doesn’t notice. There has been a frisbee stuck on the roof since about a week after he left because no one is tall enough or brave enough to get on the roof to fish it down. The kids broke a few *ehem*cough*a lot*cough* of things that need to be fixed. Seriously the honey do list is long! And to be honest with you, you probably didn’t lose the weight you had hoped or maybe that is just me! Hopefully he will be so happy to be home he won’t notice! There is so much to do! Boy if I only had another week or two to get ready…..just kidding!

So here is to all those tired wives waiting for their back up, their inside jokester, their lawn care specialist, car mechanic, and pest removal..ist ;) best friend who takes their breath away one day and then drives them crazy the next….You married but single ladies doing it all alone who I admire and adore…THANK YOU! Thank you for all you do! Taking care of the home front, allowing your husband to focus on defending our country, fight for our freedom and even the freedom of others. Our husbands are heroes…… but you are also mine!  


xoxoxoxo

Here are few pictures of my first day of being single but married......but soon.....back to married! ;)